Shy Read online

  Shy

  by

  Sinden West

  Copyright © 2014 Sinden West

  All rights reserved

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Cover design by Melody Simmons of eBookindiecovers

  Table of Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty One

  Chapter Twenty Two

  Chapter Twenty Three

  Chapter Twenty Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Epilogue

  Chapter One

  It was easy not to have to talk when Emma was around. Her vivacious personality was as bright as her blonde hair and the things that came out of her mouth, no matter how stupid, always seemed to charm. The easy smile and toothpaste ad white teeth added to her attractiveness. I think that even had Emma been ugly, her personality still would have shone through to create beauty in the eye of the beholder.

  Next to Emma, fading into the background was simple. I didn’t mind though, for me conversation was painful and later on I would think over the dumb things that I said. Even worse were the extended, stupid silences that would come after even the simplest comments a stranger would make that would leave me frantically searching for something to say in response. People would then think that I was odd, and it was true, I was weird. A lifetime of pathological shyness would do that to you.

  But Emma was my friend and I could speak to her with the ease that years of friendship had built. Boys seem to sense her from miles away and would gather around her like moths to a flame whenever we were out in public.

  And that’s when I became the ugly friend. Not that I was that ugly, I just wasn’t that attractive, especially next to Emma. I was the one which the dutiful friend of whoever was hitting on Emma got stuck with. That friend’s eyes would continually dart over to Emma, his envy clear. Then he’d take a long drink, sigh, and sometimes make excuses to find other people they knew, or otherwise attempt a stilted conversation with me. Especially when they were drunk, that’s the only time I got hit on.

  But I never did anything with those guys. Sometimes I thought that would make it easier, to just kiss and have sex, and therefore not have to talk. But the good girl in me stopped that urge.

  A blond jock type was hitting on Emma. He had perfect white teeth just like hers and they would probably make perfect little blonde babies together if she gave him half a chance. His hand was on the back of her chair as she gave him her charming smile. They could have had a competition to see who had the most blinding smile; it would have been a close tie. She liked this one. I could tell. His name was Damien and they shared an English Lit. class together freshman year.

  I took a sip of my drink and kept my eyes averted from Damien’s poor friend who had been dragged along to play interference with me. His eyes kept scanning the bar for someone better, but maybe he didn’t see anyone because he turned his attention back to me.

  “So, what’s your major?” He wasn’t even really looking at me, his eyes were on the coaster that someone had decorated with pictures of penises. I couldn’t blame him. I wasn’t much to look at. Straight brown hair, brown eyes, freckles across the bridge of my nose and, according to the one guy who had ever kissed me and felt me up, hardly any tits.

  “Psychology.” I watched him, even though he wasn’t watching me. He was a good looking guy, his dark hair was styled up into spikes, and an earring pierced the corner of his lower lip. He was way too cool for me.

  “Yeah?” He played with the label on his beer bottle. “Do you psychoanalyze people?”

  This I could talk about, even though I sounded boring. “No, you can’t do that until after you do post grad work and then—“

  The most beautiful girl I’d ever seen marched up to us, and that was saying something considering I was friends with Emma. On her face was fury, but even then she was gorgeous. Her hair was long and shiny, reaching her thighs which were slim and clad in tight jeans. Her t-shirt was tight as well, making her ample breasts stand out to create a curvy, Playboy type figure. This girl should have on the cover of a magazine, or in the centerfold.

  Her target was the friend who was stuck with me. “Rick!”

  She stood behind his chair and he stiffened slightly as he heard her voice, then he just rolled his eyes and said, “Fuck.” He shifted his chair slightly to face her, his posture casual.

  “What do you want, Pamela?”

  She huffed as she put her hands on her hips, I wondered if she was drunk. “Is your phone broken or something?”

  He, Rick, took a sip of his beer before answering her. “No, I just decided not to return any of the ten thousand messages you’ve left me this week. I thought you would have got the hint already.”

  Her eyes narrowed at him. “You prick. Who the hell dumps someone via text?”

  I wondered if she might cry. Rick just sighed and muttered, “Jesus,” under his breath. Then he straightened his posture. “Pamela, we weren’t going out. We were just having sex. That’s it.” He enunciated each word in case she didn’t understand.

  And it appeared that she didn’t. “Asshole! That wasn’t how it was and you know it!” Her hands were balled into fists at her side now, she was struggling with control.

  “Hey,” Damien spoke now, tearing his attention away from Emma. “C’mon, Pam. You know what Rick’s like. Don’t do this to yourself. Why don’t you go back to your friends and have a good night.”

  “Shut up,” she hissed at him. “He used me!”

  “I didn’t use you,” Rick said in a bored tone. “And you’re acting nuts right now. Why don’t you talk to…” he pointed his fingers at me. “What’s your name again?”

  “Um, Greta.”

  “Greta! Why don’t you talk to Greta? She’s doing psych. She could probably help you become more sane or something.”

  “Greta?” She said my name with a sneer. “Is this who you’re screwing now? You’ve really gone for the dogs, haven’t you?”

  I felt a stinging blush hit my cheeks. She had just called me a dog. I lowered my head down so hopefully no one would see how it affected me. It wasn’t the first time I’d been called names. People tended to be mean when they knew you wouldn’t fight back, and I never did.

  “Hey!” Emma said, prepared to jump to my defense but Damien got there first.

  “Seriously, Pam. Piss off! Stop being a bitch and get your skanky ass out of here. Now.”

  Pamela stood there, breathing heavily. Her eyes switching between the angry look on Damien’s face and the apathy on Rick’s. If she wanted to say more, she thought better of it. She turned and marched out of the bar, her hair swishing behind her like an angry cat’s tail.

  “What a bitch,” Emma said.

  “Yeah. She’s good in bed though.�
� Rick took a drink of his beer like the whole scene hadn’t fazed him in the slightest.

  “I better get going.” I tried to keep my voice normal even though the urge to cry was lurking within me and I didn’t know if I would be able to control it.

  “I’ll come with you,” Emma said, searching under the table for her bag. I was already standing and putting my own bag over my shoulder. I saw the look of disappointment on Damien’s face.

  “No. I’ve got a lot of work to do. You stay. Have a good time. Bye.” I spoke in a raspy voice because of the lump in my throat. I didn’t wait for her reply because I was already heading toward the door. It was a short walk to the apartment we shared and I walked away at a brisk pace, my head bowed. But the sound of Emma’s heels running on the pavement came after me and I stopped and waited for her.

  “You’re crying.” She wrapped her arms around me and held me tight. “Don’t listen to her. She’s just a cow. She was hurt and took it out on you. You understand?”

  I nodded and she let me go. “Come on. Let’s go home and watch movies or something. The night’s still early.”

  I forced a smile and shook my head at her. “No way. I’m going home alone, and you are going to stay with Damien. He seems really nice and I can tell you like him.”

  She gave a small smile. “I do like him. But that would make me a bad friend. Boys can wait.”

  “No way. Go. Have a good night. Tell me everything tomorrow.” I started backing away from her.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Positive! Love you. Bye!”

  I turned my back on her and she didn’t follow.

  I didn’t really cry until I reached the tiny shoebox of an apartment that Emma and I shared. Emma called it cozy but she always put a positive spin on things. I could have afforded to live somewhere nicer, but I kind of liked it. I angrily brushed away tears as I closed the door behind me. It was horrible that after so many years of hurtful words, things could still get to me so easily. School for me had always involved packs of girls who had enjoyed tormenting me with cruel words. Dog was only one of them, retard was another. It hadn’t been so bad once Emma had befriended me because she was popular and fearless…

  But I would never be like that.

  Chapter Two

  Emma bounced on my bed in the morning. “Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Let’s go get some breakfast!”

  I groaned with fatigue. I’d been up most of the night with nasty memories running through my head.

  “Did you just get home?”

  “Yes!” She clapped her hands together with delight. “We watched the sunrise come up together. It was so romantic.”

  I sat up, rubbing my eyes. “Let me have a shower first. We’ll get something to eat and then I’m going to the library.”

  The day was clear and bright as we sat outside a café eating croissants and drinking coffee. Emma was still positively beaming as she told me about her night with Damien. Rick had gotten drunk and hooked up with some other girl. After he left they ended up at Damien’s apartment. They didn’t have sex though, they just talked all night. Her enthusiasm was infectious and I found myself laughing alongside her.

  When Damien texted her, she shrieked in delight. “He’s going to see a band tonight and asks if we want to come.”

  “You mean if you want to come,” I teased.

  “Please come with me. Please?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Sure. If I get my work done. Let’s get going. You really need to get to bed before you start to crash.”

  I found a corner of the library to set myself up in as I started doing research on psychometric testing. Resilience was my topic. It always interested me how people could overcome horrible things happening to them and go on to lead normal lives. I stayed pretty much the whole day. I liked working on the floor of the library where only the very serious students went to. No talking at all was tolerated, and if someone committed such a terrible faux pas as to let a heavy book crash to the floor, dirty looks were sent from every direction.

  I liked it because no one would decide to make inane conversation and I could be quiet and alone without being thought of as weird. I saw some familiar faces; the same people were often here on the weekends. Maybe they were odd like me and didn’t have much of a social life. It comforted me to think that I wasn’t completely alone in my social awkwardness.

  Tad was weird for sure. He was in the library at the very same table every single Saturday. I only knew his name because I had left my notebook behind as I rushed out to meet Emma one afternoon. He’d followed me with it down seven flights of stairs, catching up to me as I went out the door into the sunlight. I’d stopped to adjust my shoe and he’d given one hell of a fright as he’d nudged the notebook into my side.

  Taken by surprise I’d stammered, “Thanks, uh…”

  “Tad. My names Tad.” Then he had walked back into the library. I had tried to smile at him when I saw him the next time, but he had just looked blankly at me like he didn’t know who I was. I’d stopped trying to be friendly after that.

  He was in the library today, his laptop open as he typed quickly. The books on the desk beside him had massive scientific words embossed on them that were beyond my comprehension. He lifted his eyes to look at me briefly as I made a noise by opening a book. My lips formed something that might have been a smile, but he gave nothing in return. Yeah, I definitely wouldn’t try again.

  And then I committed the ultimate sin of that particular floor of the library. I didn’t turn my cell phone off. The beauty of having very little social life was that hardly anyone ever tried to contact you so forgetting to turn it off in places that are supposed to be silent was not the end of the world. But someone did try to ring me, and the jarring sound echoed around the room and annoyed glances were directed at me as I rifled desperately through my bag to find it.

  I ended up in the stairwell with my bag as I finally located the offending item. It was Emma.

  “Hello,” I said breathlessly.

  “Hi. You sound like you’re running. Where are you?”

  “At the library.”

  “Still? It’s nearly six o’clock. The boys are picking up soon to get something to eat. You have to come home and get ready.”

  “Boys?”

  “Yes. Damien and Rick. We’re all going to see the band tonight, remember?”

  “Um, Emma. You’re not trying to set me up on a date again are you?”

  She had tried once before. Just once. And it was a complete disaster. The guy was as socially awkward as I was and we had nothing to say to each other. Plus he was totally checking out other girls in front of me. The other bad thing about that date was that it revealed what Emma thought of me. The guy was a complete dork. That meant that she thought I was a complete dork and that I couldn’t do any better. It may have been true, but that didn’t mean that it hurt any less.

  “No,” she protested. “I promised I would never do that again. Plus, Rick isn’t really your type.” And there it was. Rick was way too cool for me, there was no way he would ever be interested in me. But then she redeemed herself. “He’s a total slut. You deserve better.”

  I smiled in spite of myself. “Thanks, Em.”

  “You’re welcome. Now get your ass home!” She ended the call before I could refuse again. Not that I would, because I hated letting Emma down.

  I returned to my things and started to gather them up. Tad gave me another annoyed glance before returning to his laptop. Fuck him, I thought. I was going out to a club to watch a band. I was actually having a life. I doubted he was.

  Emma looked hotter than usual when I got home. Her jeans were low on her hips and her top cropped to reveal a flat stomach and pierced navel. Her make-up was darker than usual and her hair twisted up in some kind of sophisticated do.

  “You look beautiful.”

  She grinned at my compliment. “Thank you. Now start getting ready. He’ll be here soon.”

  I showered quickly, not both
ering to wash my hair even though it probably needed it. I just dressed in jeans and a white long sleeved top. There was nothing sexy or revealing about any of it. I did make an effort with makeup though and applied mascara before smearing a muted pink on my lips. Bright colors ended up making me look like a clown and I’d rather look boring than like that. A quick brush through my hair and I was ready.

  Damien scored points with Emma by actually coming to the door instead of just calling her from his car to come down. He gave her a quick kiss on the lips in greeting before they both just stared at each other and grinned nervously. They both looked so cute together that I had a sudden spurt of enthusiasm for the night ahead.

  Rick was in the driver’s seat, tapping his fingers against the door along with the music with one hand and drinking a beer with the other.

  “Hi, Rick,” Emma said happily as she got in the back seat.

  “Hey,” Rick replied.

  I went to follow Emma in, but Damien stopped me. “You can sit up front if you want.”

  “Sure.” I got in the passenger side and put on my seatbelt.

  “Hi…what was your name again?” Rick asked.

  “Greta.”

  Then he turned the radio up as he pulled out of the parking lot and that was the end of the conversation. Damien and Emma whispered and giggled in the back seat like they were in their own little world.

  We got food at a Thai place. Rick spent most of his time texting on his phone, even as he ate, and Damien and Emma conversed together like they were in love all ready. It was sweet, for them. I just concentrated on my food like I didn’t care that Rick was completely ignoring me. I was glad that this wasn’t supposed to be a double date, because if it was, it was the worst one yet. Rick only tore his eyes away from his phone to watch the waitress’s ass as she walked past. He gave a slight nod like he approved before he went back to his phone.

  I was happier when we got to the club. It was noisy, far too noisy to talk so it didn’t matter that no one was interacting with me. Rick led us through the crowd to a table then disappeared. He appeared a short while later with beers for us as the band started playing. I checked my watch and wondered how long we would need to stay here for, or more accurately, how long Emma needed me to stay. Hopefully, I’d be getting a taxi out of there soon.